If Brendan Dassey Really Helped Murder that Lady, I Will Eat My Undies Live. (I’m Not Kidding)

Oh snaaaap your boy Ry is baaack! Been a while, good to see y’all. I say “y’all” because I’m a huge Texas Longhorns fan, have been since before I can remember, Hook Em. If you haven’t seen Making a Murderer on Netflix you’ve completely missed a major aspect of our collective existence and you should go ahead and drink a bottle of whatever is under the sink, doesn’t matter what it is, just close your eyes grab and gulp. That being said, this weather has me feeling good, just good enough to help y’all out with a brief summary of the down right absurdity that is Making a Murderer. Basically back in 2005 these inbreds from Wisconsin got framed for the murder of a lady named Theresa Halbach. Steven Avery got sentenced to life in prison for the murder and Brendan Dassey who was 16 at the time (with a 1st Grade Reading Level) was pinned as his accomplice, also currently serving life in maximum security prison. I know you have to take these story lines with a grain of salt because Netflix is going to show whatever side of the story that is more interesting, but to me and millions of other viewers, it seemed like a classic case of dirty cops lazily pinning a murder on some poor people who don’t have the resources to fight back. Sound familiar? This isn’t new, It’s pretty much what the judicial system has been doing to black people since the beginning of time. However what little faith I had in the system has now been thrown out like a used TV guide (you’ll look back at this reference and chuckle trust me). Now I believe anyone can fuck over anyone as long as they have more money or bigger friends. If you don’t believe that then you’re an idiot and YOU deserve to be locked up. Anyway, this half-wit Dassey was pulled from his’ “slow-kids” class and pressured by interrogating officers for countless hours. He was promised he’d get to go home if he “told the police what they wanted to hear”. Obviously that was bullshit and the kid left school that day never to return home again. He literally asked the cops if he was “going to be home in time to watch Wrestle Mania.” Brendan just being Brendan, a kid who doesn’t care about anything but being a kid. He was a simpleton, a first grade brain in an ugly unkempt block head. He did exactly what the police told him to do and now he’s in prison for life. There’s been countless attempts to get Brendan and even Steven exonerated. The latest are seemingly a last stitch effort to tug at the heart strings of newly elected Governor Tony Evers, in hopes for a pardon. Dassey went to prison when he was 16, he’s now 29 and spoiler alert, he missed Wrestle Mania. Poor Kid doesn’t even know about The Undertaker yet. Here’s the letter that Brendan personally wrote Gov. Evers. If you can read, you read this and tell me if this person murdered someone. I’ll wait…

Brenden Dassy LetterBrenden Dassy Letter 2

Key Notes: Brendan Dassey is a simpleton. He writes as if he’s a child. His idea of pleading for his life is to write a letter to the Governor of Wisconsin listing all of the things he likes. Just like a child would do. Folks I’m not gonna lie, I chuckled at a lot of this letter. I don’t think that makes me a bad person. Its just so fucking absurd! What do you do when you’re faced with such a dark piece of writing? You make fun of it to make yourself feel better and forget about how fucked up the world is. So without further ado, here is my letter to Governor Evers. Enjoy and listen to Episode 51 this Friday to hear a more in depth breakdown.

Deer Governor Evers,

Good Morning, how you are? I are fine, this is list of likes to me, favorites and stuff. Here is it:

  • Pokemon: Geodude
  • Drink: Canada Dry Sparkling Green Tea
  • Chips: BBQ Kettle
  • Parts of a Cat: base of the tail, eye socket.
  • Season: College Football
  • Wrestler: My Uncle Jack
  • Supervillian: Jordan Hack
  • Birds: Little ones, eagles, pterodactyls.
  • Type of Dog: Young, and impressionable.
  • Superheroes: Spider-Man (Toby McGuire version)
  • Vegetables: Broccoli (The smokable ones)
  • Time of day: The moment that I Bust, or poop.
  • Hobbies: Not killing people, or helping kill people.
  • Food: Pussy.
  • Animals: The Granny Slayer
  • Mythical Creatures: A nice young gal who won’t cheat on me and minotaurs.
  • Nascar Driver: Pre February 18th 2001 Dale Earnhardt.
  • Yu-Gi-Oh Card: Pink Eyed Dragon (with special move; eating ass.)
  • Actress: Honey Gold.
  • Numbers: 6 and 9.

I don’t like: Cable TV especially local news, TikTok Boys, Outback Steakhouse, James Harden and Sex Offenders who are active on Twitter when they are legally banned. Thank you for listening, I need an appeal or at least WWE Network.

Love the Complete and Innocent, Larkside Ry.

P.S. Congrats on being Governor, my cellmate Big Bubba lets me flush the toilet after he shits now, so things are looking up.

P.S.S. I really hope I never have to eat these:

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