Good morning to all. Great Morning to Moms! I was going to rank all the hottest Instagram Moms to commemorate Mothers Day, but while scrolling from Ass 2 Ass I realized an underlying tone that quite frankly, had me sickened. These kids have got to be fed up with Mommy’s Ass and Titties. When their cognitive ability becomes functional enough to look at a picture and understand more than just shapes and sizes (the bigger the better), it won’t be just giant ass cheeks staring back them, but also a flood of despair and chagrin. These children are living in complete denial unbeknownst to their little softball sized brains. The amount of anxiety I feel for these little ones made me write this blog equipped with these photos, I didn’t want to, I had to. Here you go, I’m sorry kids but at least you’re hearing this from a trained professional with a background in Thotology and an expert at staring at Ass on The Gram, and commenting about it. Oh and by the way, I’m not going to mention these kiddos by name, not because it’s the moral and respectful thing to do, but simply because I don’t care enough to look them up.
1.Rachel Bush’s Daughter.
Rachel Bush (21) is Baby Mama and Wife to Football Player Jordan Poyer. Rachel’s interest include saying things like “bad bitches only” and twerking inches away from her daughters corneas. Rachel gets the lead off spot because she spends little to no effort to remove her daughter from frame when she’s bussin it wide open for The Gram. The one true Queen of NoFucksville. If her daughter can manage to wipe away the poo particles that have accumulated over the years and open her poor little eye balls long enough to peep her Mom’s highlight reel, she will finally have someone to blame other than God for her sight, or lack there of.
2.Alexis Skyy’s Daughter.
Speaking of eyes or lack there of, we have the Baby Mama of Fetty Wap (SEE what I did there?). There’s no doubting Alexis is fine, but I bet when her daughter is old enough she won’t be pressing rewind to see that ass one more time. Besides she won’t have to, there will be plenty of that at the custody hearing when she is forced to choose between Cyclops and Mother Girth.
Do I really need to explain this one? Hopefully today’s Sunday Service includes scripture to help cope with a lifetime of mortification, because Mommy isn’t stopping anytime soon kids.
4.Tammy Hembrow’s Kids
“Australian Mum of 2”. I don’t know what it is about Australians, but it seems like they’re a bunch of savages who don’t really care about shit like this. So I give this fitness Model Mum 2 thumbs up from Down Unduh! Honestly kids, it could be a lot worse. Plus by the time you’re old enough to comprehend this, full penetration will be normalized across social media. That’s what I call progress!
5.Blacc Chyna’s Kids
If Rob doesn’t accidentally eat their daughter I think she has a real chance of earning a spot under the umbrella of super natural influence that Kris Jenner is puppeteering. If not, at least she’ll get to look back on the exact moment her Mom transformed from a normal human being to General Mandible from Antz.
That’s it and that’s all. Happy Mother’s Day to all you hard working, bad ass, uplifting, remarkable women out there. Moms run the fucking world, and we’re all very thankful for it.
If you haven’t seen Kim’s Sex Tape in a while, here it is: Enjoy!