Cinema Foreplay: Avengers Endgame

Yes ladies and gents the time has come for Bubby to tease you all with Cinema Foreplay. Summer time is such a HUGE time for blockbuster movies, which of course means that the months before are absolutely riddled with teaser and theatrical trailers for some bomb ass movies. Trailers are becoming more and more epic with each and every installment. Giving you just a taste enough to get your fancy tickled and then BOOM: the movie doesn’t come out for eight months. The excitement of seeing the trailer is soon followed by the absolute dread of having to wait, but don’t worry, Bubby is here to save the day.

The time has come. Yes the time has come. It is finally Avengers week folks, and your boy Bubby could not be more excited. The MCU’s next installment, and finale of it’s first three phases (the Infinity Saga) comes out this Friday April 26th. Get your goddamn popcorn ready because the Avengers are ready to take it to that Barney looking bitch, Thanos, and by god will it be epic. With its reported (and confirmed) three hour run time, we are all sure in for a wild ride.

Dude. Even the posters fuck with me

The cast of characters that Marvel has compiled for their entire connected universe is fucking amazing. It’s to the point that whenever I see Robert Downey Jr. in a another movie I ask what Tony Stark is doing solving mysteries in jolly old England. It’s an inescapable fact that these movies absolutely murder the box office too. I mean tickets for this movie’s midnight premiere are being sold on eBay for almost $10,000. Come on dude. That shit is ridiculous, but I have a hard time not convincing myself to not sign over the rights to my nonexistent children for a Marvel Universe box set with all 22 movies in it. Yes I am a mindless drone, Eat my ass.

I have been waiting for this movie for a long time because of the way the previous installment, Infinity War, ended. And my god I hope it doesn’t end with Ant-Man shrinking his way into Thanos’s ass and expanding. That would be gross, and also extremely disappointing. I’m looking forward to all of them working together, because it’s always better when they assemble. See what I did there. There’s tons of theories out there about what’s going to happen, how it’s going to happen, and who will play the larger roles in the imminent Avengers victory.

There are tons of trailers out there for this movie because Marvel is the ultimate tease, but here’s my favorite. One note about this trailer for you to think about when you watch it: they’re really not shy about what they included in this trailer. Is this actually footage from the movie? Are they doing the thing where they show things that aren’t even in a trailer? Who know. Just watch and make sure you bring your boner pants:

AAAAAANNNNDDDDD I’m hard

April 26th. Be there or never talk to me again. I love you all.

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