Imagine, you wake up 10am Sunday morning. Eyes red, stomach turning, head pounding, room spinning. You had the night of your life, and how could you not? You’re the Prom Queen, Prom Queen but you’re not crying sitting outside Lil Weezy’s door, you’re grinning from cubic zirconia to cubic zirconia. A moment of clarity comes from deep within, or maybe that was just the After-Prom chicken nibblers and scalloped potatoes. Irrelevant because you are absolutely certain that there has never been another one like you. You went so hard with your day-ones that you had the whole school, Hell the whole city buzzin. You made it. You’re on track to being the most famous Queen B theres ever been. College is on the horizon but you don’t worry about that shit. Your popularity will transcend the small pop of public school. Nothing can stop you now. What do you have to thank for this new found glory? A video that totes personifies your true and unadulterated essence as a Bad Bitch…oh and your Mom too. Here’s the video that made you who you are. (I like watching it with no sound. I like to think it adds to the absurdity.) Here’s the original Tweet.
All stun no stunt! You rollover to check your retweets and mentions from the night before, there has to be something from Drake, how could he resist? Wait…IS THAT?……….OH FUCK!
Just like that, faster than a booty shake interrupted by a pervertedly jealous chaperone, your whole world comes crashing down. You have been spotted by FAFSA. You are on their radar, and to a “fake it till you make it” kinda hustler, this is the worst place you could ever be. As a hopeless romantic, I want to believe that money is not an issue for this mother/daughter duo. Maybe this isn’t a problem right? Maybe Mom can pull an aunt Becky and make it rain on the Dean of Admissions to get young Lizbeth into (insert local Community College here).
Personally, I was unaware of the killer mentality FAFSA displayed on Twitter on a regular basis. Apparently there’s a whole sub culture of BBQ Becky’s snitching on their classmates by mentioning FAFSA in these type of lavish home vids/pics on Twitter.
I’m not sure if I love or hate FAFSA for this move. It’s always one or the other. If people want to spend money to climb the clout ladder I’m all for it. However don’t expect FAFSA to let you have your Sparkling Cider and drink it too (Lizbeth is only 17, and I don’t condone under age drinking, matter of fact let me call Becky and have her investigate). Since the move went viral, the people from FAFSA released a statement regarding Twitter involvement:
Clearly downplaying the move, now I’m pissed. If you’re going to hold the potential future and well being of moneyless High School Grads then own up to being the Twitter Hardo/Dark Knight. Promote the “fair is fair” mentality and move on. You had no problem harboring the snitch before. What changed? Im now team Lizbeth, who just happens to be one Fyre Fest Cabana away from being the not-so proud poster child of Generation Z. Either way, Mom is a Baddie, and I wouldn’t mind taking that Mercedes for a spin. Mostly because I heard from the Granny Slayer that the Center Dash is a TV screen, the likes of which he watched a movie, ate Chipotle and “got right with the finger”(20:20) whatever that means…
Speaking of Fingers…