Dumb front license plates, a thing of the past for Ohioans.

Finally! Is the one word that erupts from my pea-sized brain as I read that Ohio will no longer require a front license plate. No longer will Brad have to defile his lifted oversized truck with an unnecessary piece of scrap metal. He can use that space for a nice bumper sticker indicating how big his dick is instead.

The unwanted front license plate has been bolted to the front of cars for over 100 years since 1908…just in case you ever wanted to outrun the law while driving in reverse in your Nissan Skyline like Paul Walker (RIP sweet prince).

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Look at that front license pla…oh wait?

All of the states that border “the heart of it all” have been front license plate free for years until Ohio finally decided to join the club when it chose to trade its heart in for a goddamn brain.

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I love the look of my front license plate on my 1972 Oldsmobile Cutlass! Doah.

Jerry, a retired Air Force Colonel has been complaining about putting a front license plate on his classic Challenger for years as it devalues his “sentimental beauty” that he lost his virginity in the back seat of what seems like just yesterday.

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Get it Jer! (1)

Seriously though, Ohio is saving $1.4 million a year by not having us put that shit on our INSERT CAR NAME HERE.

Inmates at Lebanon Correction facility have been pounding out these plates since 1964 using your tax dollars. Now they can use tax dollars and more free time to pound out other tasks such as:

1) Dropping the soap.

2) Making “You’re my bitch” bracelets for their newest boy toys.

3) Keistering their favorite shank.

4) Stabbing someone with a candy cane they sucked down to a point.

5) Eating Cialis like it’s candy due to having extended conjugal visits.

6) “Swabbing the deck”.

7) Participating in voluntary experimental testing that may or may not give them super powers.

8) Practicing martial arts after watching Super Cop on unsuspecting bunk mates with the intent of actually inflicting physical harm on them for clogging the nearest toilet.

9) 3 AM cavity searches.

10) Drilling holes

…so we no longer have to (in our bumpers of course). You guys are sick!




(1) If this isn’t Jerry, I don’t know who the hell this guy is! He just looks like a “Jerry”

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