I first want to start out by saying that this was drafted on my phone in complete gibberish, which definitely means that I was plastered drunk when I wrote this. I don’t know how long ago this was written, but I can tell you right now I completely 100% agree with it even in a completely sober state. I will never understand why I decided to share this with you all, but Bubby speaks his mind and his mind speaks in mysterious ways. Here goes:
I have had a deep hatred for this condiment for as long as I can remember. It does nothing to add to taste of anything. Quite honestly it taste like the bottom of a shoe. The fact that anyone would ruin a perfectly good stadium dog with it, or act like an absolute Sociopath that dip pretzels in it is beyond comprehension.
I am speaking about none other than the yellow sludge known as “mustard.”
All I have to say is: why? The taste: awful. The color: comparable to baby shit. NOT TO MENTION that if you get it on any piece of clothing you might as well burn it because IT’S NEVER COMING OUT.
I’d like to meet the first person to come across mustard seeds and decide that they were going to turn it into a sauce, and drill them in their teeth. I would steal the Delorean and gun it to 88, do the deed, and do nothing else with it.
In closing I just want to say FUCK YOU MUSTARD. YOU ARE THE WORST THING TO HAPPEN TO HOTDOGS SINCE THEY DECIDED TO PUT PIG ASSHOLE IN THEM AND SELL THEM AT THE DOLLAR STORE.