Ok, we all know the deal. It’s GOT DAMN cold outside, record setting cold as a matter of fact. This will help explain how cold it is:
So yeah, it’s cold bruh. Look:
Even for Ohio this is crazy. Sitting in the closed garage with my truck running and looking at -5 on my dashboard had me ready to close my eyes and take some really deep breaths instead of going to work. At least Hell is warm amirite?! I got to work and the frozen tundra parking lot was my next obstacle. I was completely bundled from my ski mask to my boots. Only part of my body that was exposed was my hand holding my hot coffee. It took two minutes until the back of my hand started to tingle and I knew this shit was real. I was skeptical at first because people love to make a huge deal out of everything these days, but I’m with the people on this one. Next thing I know I was shivering so hard walking in that I couldn’t keep in a physical and audible groan of discomfort. You all know what I mean, when you’re soo cold that you literally have to make a loud guttural noise from deep within. Here’s what has me so perturbed. I look to my right and this Fuckboy (definition) is laughing at me whilst wearing some clearance rack bright orange Puma basketball shorts that had definitely never seen the court. Now this dude is the worst possible human. The Hardo white-boy who thinks shorts in the winter makes up for his pillow top torso and fluorescent light bulb legs. It’s ok buddy have your laugh. You’re going to need this moment to get through the next 24 hours of burning sensation in your bulbs, followed by a lifetime of numbing and discoloration. Frostbite motherfucker! Take that shit!
I personally believe that all “shorts in the winter” Hardos are the same. If you are one of these people I’m sorry but you are a subgroup that I could do without. Please stay away from these people, they are very unstable, especially without full feeling in their legs. ZIIINNG!! Thank you in advance for spreading awareness and stay warm beautiful people. If for whatever reason you need further description of these D-Bags, here’s a checklist to help make things easier. –Ry